For the 4th day of Blogtober, I thought I’d discuss my past struggles with drugs and alcohol. It’s a topic I generally avoid because I don’t like talking about it. But in the spirit of opening up, I’m going to put it all out there today. I titled the post Addiction, however, I should mention that I never really had a physical addiction to any one thing. I never went through withdrawals, or rehab, or AA. That said, I certainly had a problem for a number of years.
In the Begining
In high school, I lived in Colorado, and I steered clear of drugs and alcohol. I think I attended one party where I drank, and I wasn’t all that impressed. So I didn’t go out anymore. My friends weren’t into that scene, so it just wasn’t something I partook in.
When I graduated high school I moved back to Oklahoma, and I found myself hanging out with a group of people who were regular drug users. I abstained for a while, but I got curious. People will tell you that marijuana is a gateway drug, but in my case it was curiosity. The first drug I tried was cocaine. I had turned it down in the past, but one night I was at a party, I got offered a line, and I just jumped right in. I loved it. My interest was peaked.
Testing the Waters
I wanted to give everything a try because I didn’t see the point in denying myself those experiences. I started smoking weed, and because I enjoyed it, and it was readily available, I smoked regularly. And began to run my way through every other mind-altering substance I could get my hands on. Mushrooms, LSD, Perscription Pills, and Ecstasy were all a part of my rotation.
I got to a point where I was using a different combination of narcotics every day. I woke up and started looking for whatever high I could find. And if you’re reading this, and you haven’t done drugs in the past, I can imagine that this sounds like I was a total mess. And in my personal life, I probably was, but it didn’t matter much, because so were my friends. On the outside though, I didn’t have any health problems. Most of the time I was gainfully employed and totally functional.
I made great friends during this period. Friends that I still have today. And we had fun every day. We partied, and danced, and laughed. We went to the bar every night, and things were great. I never really got to a point where I thought I had an addiction because my addiction was more to the highs and lows rather than any one particular substance.
The Good Times are Killing Me
Things eventually started taking a turn. I was still enjoying myself, but I lost my home. I wasn’t working or going to school, and I was living on a friend’s couch. At that time, I was still okay justifying my lifestyle. I took a vacation to Colorado. On the way home I got pulled over with some weed and went straight to jail. I did not pass go. I did, however, get slapped with a ton of fines, lawyer fees, and community service. Six months later I caught a public intoxication charge.
I kept up my habits, my addiction to the sensations, and the oscillations that came with the drugs were still there. but I got another job and got an apartment with my best friends. I dabbled in selling drugs for some extra income, but only to my friends, and frankly, I was bad at it so it didn’t last long.
Turning it Around
I honestly just got tired of the lifestyle. Partying all the time got exhausting. I can’t say that I really had a ‘rock-bottom’ moment, it was more than what I was doing just wasn’t really working out for me anymore. So I decided to move back to Colorado and change things up a bit. I stopped doing drugs, aside from smoking some weed and drinking. Unfortunately, I still hadn’t learned the key lesson in life – Moderation. So I drank a lot. I think I just didn’t know what else to do with myself.
I stayed in Colorado for about a year and eventually lost my housing. This had little to do with my lifestyle, and more to do with the fact that I was living in a tourist town with seasonal work and housing. At that point though, I decided to move back to Oklahoma. I got a job and an apartment and things went well for a while. Then I fell back into old habits. It’s not that I was getting messed up every day. I was more than I probably should have been, however.
A New Start
The real game-changer was when I got pregnant. I was totally clean and I moved back in with my parents to save money. After I had my son, I went back to school full time and got my degree in business. I stayed clean, aside from the occasional beer or glass of wine. I’m much more ambitious and productive now. I work full time and run this blog, and I stay busy. My son and I still live with my parents, which is a constant source of stress for me, but I’m honestly grateful that I have that support. I’m working towards purchasing a home and becoming 100% financially independent.
Do you have a low point?
Well, that’s my story, and it’s not one that I love to tell. My life has changed so much, and I’m an entirely different person than I was in my late teens and early twenties. Is there a time in your life that makes you cringe to talk about? Or is there something taboo you’ve struggled with in the past? Let me know in the comments.
If you’re enjoying getting to know me better, you can check out my other Blogtober posts.
- Blogtober Day 1: My Top 5 Struggles
- Blogtober Day 2: Religion and Spirituality
- Blogtober Day 3: Politics